I’m married with three children but two weeks ago something happened which is going to change things a lot.
My youngest daughters boyfriend cornered me after dinner and told me not to interrupt them again. He was standing right over me and speaking with a really aggressive tone and I got very frightened. It was such a surprise and he changed so quickly from his usual nice manner. I didn’t know how to respond or what to about it.
And when he left that night, I was so relieved.
But instead of telling my husband (who would have beaten him up), I didn’t nothing but worry.
For three days all I thought about was the him accusing me and feeling guilty. Maybe I was over-bearing or I did get in the way. I was worried about the next time I would see and what I would say or do.
And when I did see him again, at the shops near by, I was not expecting to react the way I did. Rather than anger or fear or even guilt, I felt very excited. My heart skipped a beat. And when he spoke to me, I could stop looking at him and thinking he was so attractive – I was like a teen girl again. We were on our own at the time and he didn’t mention anything about our previous meeting (he was pleasant and polite), but he looked at me knew exactly what I was thinking and feeling and that only made me more nervous.
After we spoke, I had to leave the shop a return to my car to calm down and think about what had happened to me two minutes before. I sat for 15 minutes thinking about him.
I know this is wrong. I know it shouldn’t happen. I know I have so much to loose and little to gain. But it is happening and I can’t help it.
I started to write thoughts and feelings in my personal diary to hopefully figure them out. But it is too unsafe so I’ve started using this blog.
You can think and say whatever you like about me and the things I’m doing, but as long as I have these feelings, I going to share them with the world. You don’t need to read them and I don’t need your judgement.
If you can help or have any ideas that will work, then please leave a comment.
Emma C
